Friday Night Writers' Group AKA Kritique Kritics

Category: Humor

Look What I Found

Debra

While updating my work cited inforrmation, I was looking for the name of a poem or story, I couldn’t remember which one, that was published years ago in Women’s Press of San Luis Obispo and I found this:

Information regarding the specific July/August 2009 issue of the Women’s Press of San Luis Obispo is limited in public digital archives. A known historical reference from that edition includes a piece titled “My Hand” on page 4. [1]

I didn’t even list my name or the name of the piece and I got this “historical” (hysterical) reference. 

Wow. Just wow.

 

Read More

What Santa Thinks after Eight Hours in the Mall

Debra

Wipe your snotty nose.

You stink; get your mommy to change your diaper.

If you pull my beard, I’m going to pull your hair.

You’ve been such a naughty kid don’t expect anything for Christmas.

Do you really believe there’s a Santa Claus?

Yeah, I want to hold another screaming or crying kid.

What do I have a sign on me?—Barf on me today!

Keep that sucker in your mouth and don’t touch Santa with sticky hands.

Santa doesn’t want cookies and milk; he wants a ham sandwich and a beer.

 Kid you’ve been eating too many sweets.

Take you finger out of your nose.

No, I don’t want some of your slobbery sucker.

I hope that’s pumpkin on your outfit.

Don’t sneeze!  Don’t sneeze!  Oh, crap!

Why couldn’t I be Mrs. Claus instead of Santa.

Scrooge is beginning to make sense.

When is Christmas over?

Now I know what my wife had to put up with.

Kid, I feel like crying, too.

Quite complaining, at least you have diapers; I have to hold it.

 

Read More

What Santa Thinks after Eight Hours In The Mall

Debra 
I re-post this every year.

What Santa Thinks after Eight Hours In The Mall

Wipe you snotty nose.

You stink; get your mommy to change your diaper.

If you pull my beard, I’m going to pull your hair.

You’ve been such a naughty kid don’t expect anything for Christmas.

Do you really believe there’s a Santa Claus?

Yeah, I want to hold another screaming or crying kid.

What do I have a sign on me?—Barf on me today!

Keep that sucker in your mouth and don’t touch Santa with sticky hands.

Santa doesn’t want cookies and milk; he wants a ham sandwich and a beer. 

Kid you’ve been eating too many sweets.

Take you finger out of your nose. 

No, I don’t want some of your slobbery sucker.

I hope that’s pumpkin on your outfit.

Don’t sneeze!  Don’t sneeze!  Oh, crap!

Why couldn’t I be Mrs. Claus instead of Santa.

Scrooge is beginning to make sense.

When is Christmas over?

Now I know what my wife had to put up with.

Kid, I feel like crying, too.

Quite complaining, at least you have diapers; I just have to hold it.

 

 

 

Read More